Hostel life is straight out fun. It's the best part of living in a college. So for those of you who aren't so well acquainted with living in a hostel, here's a guide for that. This is also a reference for those of you who DO live in a hostel. This list has been made after four years of observations.
1. In Case of Power Failure
1a. As soon as the lights go out, immediately start screaming at the top of your lungs, "Whoooooo!" in a high-pitched voice. Everyone else in the hostel will be accompanying you.This effect is very important, because it is your duty to inform everyone within a 200-mile radius that the lights have gone out in your hostel.
1b. Go out into the balcony and shout out, calling your friends out and blaming them for the power failure. Exchange abusive language and even make some up of your own. By now, the rest of your hostel mates will also have come out into their balconies and will also be doing the same. Start shouting out comments about each other, or about people you know. Make strange noises.It is believed that if you do this, the lights will come back, and if you sit quietly and behave like civilized humans, the lights will never ever come back.
1e. When the lights finally do come back, once again make the "Whooooo!" sound so that everyone within a 200-mile radius is informed that the lights have returned. Next, make excuses as to why you cannot study or why you cannot perform the task you were exaggerating about. Go to your room and sleep.
2. Dinner Time
2a. On the way to the hostel mess, ask the first person you meet, "What's for dinner?" The next person you meet, ask him the same thing, even though now you know what's for dinner. Listen politely to their complaints about how bad the food was, but ignore them.
2c. Walk towards the table. As your going towards your seat, grab a sweet dish from your friend's plate. Eat it in front of him and laugh when he gets angry at you.
2e. Once dinner is over, go out of the mess, and tell everyone coming to the mess that the food is horrible.
3. The After-Dinner Walk
3a. According to the laws of our ancestors, there's only one place you may go for a walk: In front of the girls' hostel. All the boys go to the Girls' Hostel for a walk. They are hoping that by chance one of the girls will see that guy and shout out their undying love for them. I do not need to tell you whether this has ever happened or not.
3b. On the way to the Girls' Hostel, stop by to make useless conversation with anyone you may meet on the way. This will help in digestion of the food. Invite them to come to your room sometime, knowing full well that they won't come.
3e. Try to peek into the girls' hostel, trying to catch a glimpse of any girl you may recognize. If you see someone, tell your friends you saw someone. This should generate a lot of excitement. But, chances are, you won't find anyone. Because the girls could care less about you.
3f. Go back to your hostel, hoping that you'll have better luck the next day.
4. Borrowing
4a. The best thing about being in a hostel, is you can steal…er… borrow anything you like. Feel free to enter someone's room, and take anything you need, such as books, pens, money, cassettes, and other valuables. You can tell that person later, if you remember.
4b. As soon as you bring the things to your room, treat them as your god given right, and allow others to borrow from it freely.
4d. If you do not have slippers, borrow it from someone's room when they're sleeping or when the room's empty. Make sure he never finds out. This way, he too will borrow from someone else, and you will have successfully started a chain reaction, which may go on for months.
4e. Feel free to borrow tables and chairs from your friends' rooms, even if they protest. Tell them you'll return it within 5 minutes. Always return it the next day, or, even better, wait for him to come and get it.
5. Bathroom Etiquettes
5a. When you enter the bathroom, the first thing to do is to admire your pathetic physique in the mirror.
5b. If you're going in to the bathroom for performing the unspeakable No.2 task, make sure you turn on your water tap to full volume so that no one can hear what you're doing.
5c. If you're in a playful mood, make sounds with your mouth, so that people can hear what you're doing.
6. Timepass
When bored, go to a friend's room. However, you must make sure that this friend is busy studying. Slump onto his bed. Start talking to him. He'll probably be too polite to ask you to leave. Talk to him to your heart's content. Invite others to join. If you're lucky, you'll end up with a room with 20 guys sitting on 3 beds, talking about the most boring subject available at the moment, and laughing at it.
7. Welcome Home.
Whenever someone comes back from home, they'll probably be carrying something to eat with them. Upon their arrival, immediately grab their bags, and tear them open. Throw out all the clothing, books, etc., until you find something to eat. If you find something to eat, take it and leave, and let the wonderful guy pick up his belongings. If you do not find something to eat, leave, and let the idiot pick up his belongings.
8. Girls passing by
If you happen to see a girl or a group of girls passing by your hostel, immediately start shouting and screaming out comments at them. If you can whistle, start whistling at them. If you know their names shout these out too. (This should impress them very much and they might fall in love with you.) By doing so, you are also alerting everyone in the hostel that girls are passing by. This will make everyone else in the hostel to come to their windows and also start screaming, shouting and whistling. The purpose of getting the whole hostel screaming, shouting and whistling, is so that you can inform everyone within a 200-mile radius that there are girls passing by your hostel.
9. In the Common Room.
In the Common Room, also known as TV Room, there will usually be one guy, "the remote control," who sits at the TV and changes the channels. However, "the remote controls" will always give priority to channels which are showing the maximum amount of female exposure. This is to keep the viewers pacified and happy.
10. Happy Birthday.
Whenever it's someone's birthday, that person must be captured at 12:00, the midnight of his birth day. He is to be held by his arms and legs, at all four ends, and he is to be thrown up into the air and caught again. While in mid-air, some people may even kick his butt. This is to be repeated the same number of times as his age. These are known as bumps. On the last bump, that person is to be left in mid air, and allowed to fall on the ground, thus possibly breaking a few bones in the spinal chord. After he has fallen, dump 2 or 3 buckets of water on him. Then strip him of his clothes, leave the underwear, and start slapping him all over his body. The wetness of his body will double the pain of your slap. Enjoy for an hour. Then go to sleep.
Hoped this guide has proven to be of help
